Dear Dr. Greg - Self-Esteem

Dear Dr. Greg,

I have to feel good about myself in order to succeed, right? What can I do about low self-esteem?

Generally self-esteem is thought to be how you think or feel about yourself. In sum, it is your self-image. Some people talk about feeling worthless, or as not having much of an impact on the world. Some focus on their intelligence or personality. Still others focus on their "popularity" and social interactions.

Self-esteem has also taken a bad rap in recent days. Some people think that you need to have self-esteem in order to succeed in academics and business. There are examples of people who do not have a great deal of material success or social recognition and feel happy about who they are. Elementary schools which focused on self-esteem while neglecting basic academic competencies have now found they have students who may feel good but have fewer skills. So why, you may wonder, do people say that self-esteem is so important? It is, but it’s just that self-esteem alone is not the whole story.

The secrets to self-esteem success

Rather than expecting your feelings to be positive before you can accomplish anything, it is something you have to work on while you are accomplishing. The key here is that you need to be accomplishing tasks and goals while you are working on your self-esteem, then it becomes easy.

How do you do that? There are several ways. The first is to improve performance on your school work. Some students think that they deserve a high grade because they pay the tuition, or because they show up for class every day. Although these things are very important, there is usually more required to receive high grades. Besides, getting praise without earning it can lead you to think you have more skills and abilities that you actually do.

It seems simple, but it works!

Focus on improving your academic skills. Do your reading. Ask questions in class. Get writing assistance from the Learning Center (successful people aren’t afraid to get help from others). With each one of these tasks, praise yourself for the accomplishment. A good praise might sound like, "Good job on reading that chapter!" That’s all. It’s very simple.

Try this at home…

As an experiment, try the above suggestions in preparation for one test. If your grade improves, then you will have even more of a reason to pat yourself on the back. If the grade is not better, refrain from putting yourself down. Instead say, "I studied and prepared for the exam, but I had difficulty with some of the questions. Maybe if I hadn’t studied as hard, I would have received an even lower grade."

Surprise the professor…

If you get a lower grade than you expected on the exam (after you have consoled yourself), I suggest surprising the professor. Instead of contesting your grade, which many students do, accept the grade. Then, ask the professor what you can do to improve your grade for the next exam, paper, or project. Then try to follow those suggestions.

Accepting responsibility for your own actions, even when they do not have a desired outcome, can actually make you feel more powerful. This sounds corny doesn’t it?

This is even cornier…

Get involved. People often don’t feel good because they think they do not have the ability to make a difference in the world. The truth is that even apathy causes things to happen (look, for example, at the parent who just sits by and allows the other parent to hurt their child). If you want to know the power you have and feel good about yourself, then get involved. And you can start right here at school.

Join a committee. Run for an office. Start a club. The accomplishment you will feel will not only increase your sense of power, but will increase your sense of identity. In sum, it will enhance your self-image.

So what can be done about self-esteem? A great deal. Feel better and become more successful at the same time. I cannot think of a better combination.